in elmhurst's e.r. one winter freezing covered in a coat my mother gave me - a nurse came to the side of the gurney and said "hold on to your bag, it will get stolen." i barely heard him 'cause the guy next to me was handcuffed to his bed and wouldn't shut up - hollering every swear word he had in his gut - and the man in the chair on my other side still had a knife in his hand - he had a red bandana sucking up the blood - i was next to the automatic entrance door - the winter came in with every siren - and i'm waiting and waiting - so cold - it must have been 2 in the morning i was rolled to a hallway and hooking up to an IV - i lay in the gurney in the hallway for what felt like hours - inmates from rikers with shackles and handcuffs walked by with armed guards and a girl screamed and screamed to have her cuffs taken off so she could pee. the whole e.r. was telling her to shut up. shut up - "last time you went to the bathroom you tried drown yourself in the sink" - for some reason that rebuttal that girl - gave me a sense of peace - and eventually she was escorted to the bathroom across from me - the door was held open and she finally got to pee. around 4 in the morning i was outside of the hospital - standing on a corner i didn't know inside my winter coat trying to get back home