The deepest circle of Dante’s Inferno does not burn. It is frozen. In his last glimpse of Hell, Dante looks back and sees Satan upside down through the ice.
I would stand on my head and look Satan in the eye and ask him to pick up my medication. He’d be like, “it’s just down the street – like 3 blocks away.” I know – but I don’t feel like wearing a mask and I haven’t bathed today and my gawd the laundry is piling up – and can you just do me this one favor (though Satan and me know there’s no such thing as one favor) Satan stares with paternal disappointment – as his icy lair begins dripping on the floor – "What happened to you?" Oh, come on Satan I could ask the same of you – but I’m burnt out on true crime and perverse internet scandals. You’re dripping all over the floor – I think i should defrost my freezer – and clean the air conditioner’s filter.
Keep dripping Satan – stay beside me - drown me face first in this puddle of delay.