say you finally decide to run away and join the circus - but by the 3rd mile your knees start aching - so you slow down to a fast walk and the circus is still within sight - but now your lower back - ouch - all those yrs waiting tables - car crashes - lifting boxes the wrong way - so you stop to lay in the grass - and stretch the way one of many physical therapists taught you - when you feel loose you look toward the west and the circus tent is waiting - that perks up your spirit and you gallop until you hear circus music circus happiness circus kettle corn - where is the big top where is the bearded woman where are the conjoined twins - i am here i am ready to be brave - i will swing from the trapeze i will cross the high wire - a clown - with ridiculous shoes and bright red hair appears- his face makeup is smeared leaving his mouth turned down - he says the circus is leaving town - you lived the life you lived - the one that kept you inside the one that had you convinced that streaming netflix and avoiding neighbors was behavior you would have time to change once you began"living" - and i say "you aren't very funny for clown." and he says we all miscalculate time, the days - i never read Mo-Yan because i was to quick to follow the ringmaster, i was young and squirrelly- i just had to join the circus